I was feeling a bit deprived by my post-surgery dietary restrictions so I made myself chocolate mousse as a treat. “Spoon into dessert dishes…Chill 1 hr.” Psht. *eats immediately from mixing bowl*
You know, now that I’m feeling a bit better maybe I’ll spend the remainder of my recovery a bit more productively. Maybe read some fine literature, perhaps do some meditative writing, almost a modern Walden, if you will, focusi — Pirates of the Caribbean on Netflix streaming? *goes slack-jawed and glassy-eyed* Johnny Depp happy fun time naked thoughts.
So this is what it’s like to be a skinny person. I haven’t had meat or sugar in weeks. Bread and alcohol only once or twice each. My meals are small; I’m rarely full. I don’t find eating to be particularly more enjoyable than anything else. I don’t think about food unless I’m hungry; sometimes I don’t bother to eat at all.I walk out of the store without purchasing snacks and leave free samples behind me undisturbed, oblivious to their fate in an alternate universe.
I had my double jaw surgery on Thursday, November 14, 2013. Recovery has been brutal. The experience was transformative in the same undescribable, complete, and irreversible way that moving to New York was, but because of the nature of the event life feels starkly divided into a before and after. Maybe it’s because of the anesthesia, but week two sees me grappling with emotional fallout, something I really didn’t get much of when dealing with the move to New York. Life before the surgery, including New York, seems like a dream. It bothers me that my previous life – my real life – seems so disconnected from me.
The other day I was on the subway when this older black guy gets up and starts his spiel, shaking a cup. Suddenly, yelling out to the whole train…”Don’t make me shake this cup too hard, ladies and gentlemen. My doctor said I hurt my hand shaking my cup. And this is my girlfriend hand too.”
*eyes well up with tears* God, I’m going to miss this place…currently on the bus to the Burgh.
What the hell? Why do I have to go to work today? How am I supposed to honor our nation’s veterans by watching military action movies with Channing Tatum’s hard, rippling body if I have to go to work?