toastycinnamonbunproductions

So I was standing on the subway this morning minding my own business when this homeless guy starts walking through the car singing Christmas carols and begging for change. And of course I didn’t give him any because what the fuck, man, at least come up with some original material. But soon after the man passes me the woman sitting in the seat I’m standing in front of digs a dollar out of her pocket and yells, “Sir! Sir!” I look at her out of the corner of my eye. You’re not from around here, are you? The guy comes back and gets his dollar, says thank you, and she says to him, “But it’s not too late for you. You can get a job.” Now I look at her full on and start almost imperctibly shaking my head in a panic. DO NOT ENGAGE. The hobo mumbles something about not being able to find a job and just needing a little help as he walks back behind me and then the woman says again, louder this time, “You can turn your life around!”  I start to back away slowly but it’s too late. I’m caught in between them and now the hobo yells “GENERAL PATTON TOOK MY FAMILY.” I shoot the woman a look, like, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?, but she’s too busy crying out “WITH JESUS ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!” No, clearly the problem is that she is as crazy as he is. At this point I merely stand there, staring out the window. This goes on for awhile. Eventually the hobo leaves.

So then she turns to me. “That was kind of crazy, hunh?” I smile at her. I was not annoyed. In fact, I was highly entertained. But while I often like to chat with strangers, today I did not feel inclined. I had just bought a new book about rat habitats and habits in New York, and I wanted to read it. But she just kept talking. She told me about her daughter, she asked me questions about myself. I answered politely but half-heartedly, my mind on my book. At one point, when I said that I was on my way to work, she said, “You ride the subway every day?”
“Yup!”
“Do you like it?”
“Yes, I like it.”

“I don’t like it. I’m afraid to ride the subway.”

Oh. Oh well that explained some things.

“I’m afraid something bad will happen, like terrorism.” Her voice was much quieter now.

I could understand how the New York subway could be scary, even without the terrorism. So I tucked my book into my bag and asked her questions about her daughter. She told me about how she wanted to take her daughter to Atlantic City but she wasn’t sure if everything was okay after Sandy. I said I wasn’t sure but she could probably check on the Internet. She said she wasn’t very good with that, that she would let her daughter do it. “She’s the expert,” she said. “She’s so smart, I tell her I want her to be a doctor or a lawyer or a scientist.” Her face was really animated, and I smiled at her again. Soon we reached the woman’s stop. She wished me a blessed day, then made her way out of the car, awkwardly bumping into people and offering up a “Oh, no, please, after you!”  No, clearly she didn’t ride the subway very often. I hope she made it back home okay.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”