Shhhh, go to sleep now, little iPhone. Just close your eyes for some rest. *presses factory reset button to wipe the phone before taking it back*
So I bought this iPhone, though I’m not sure how confident I feel in the decision…
Apple Store employee, who is not a cute hipster geek boy with glasses that I could hit on, as I was envisioning on my way to the store: “Would you like to look at cases? These things will break just like that if you drop them.”
This was before I purchased it, mind you.
I so wanted to find this Simpsons clip on YouTube, as it’s so appropriate, but I couldn’t, so you’ll just have to settle for the transcript:
Gil: D’ah, she’s a beaut’. You can’t beat a Coleco, eh …? How many can I put ya’ down for, a lot? Please say “a lot,” I need this.
Skinner: I dunno. I’m not even sure we can keep this one. It’s up to Lisa.
Chalmers: Whaddaya say, Lisa? Will you keep our little secret for the good of your classmates and your school?
Gil: And let’s not forget ol’ Gil, huh? The wolf’s at old Gil’s door. [Lisa looks around at Skinner and Chalmers who look back anxiously, and at Ralph, who is happily picking his nose]
Lisa: Oooh … I guess I don’t have much choice.
Gil: Aw, thank God! Now, let’s talk rust-proofing. These Colecos’ll rust up on ya’ like that, er … shut up, Gil. Close the deal … close the deal!
Should I do it? Should I get an iPhone and give it a try? Right now I’m between the iPhone6, Samsung Galaxy 5, and Sony Xperia. I’m not a fan of this weird cult of personality around Apple, but I want a nice phone that works really well for the basic things I do: communicate with people via talk and text (nice voice quality, no missed texts), use the Internet to read interesting articles and settle bar bets, take cool pictures of shit I come across on a daily basis, and use Google maps to not get lost. And it should do these things for the next several years without breaking.
I like my iPod a lot, but I find Macbooks mystifying and hard to use.
I’ve been phoneless all week, so if you texted or called, I didn’t get it.
My phone has been inoperational since this morning, and I’m not sure when I’ll have a working phone again. So if you’ve texted or called me in the past 24 hours, I didn’t receive it, and please use e-mail to send me your nudes or otherwise reach me for the next couple days. Also, dillhole Verizon store employee, I know that whatchu tryin’ ain’t a factory reset, so don’t try to strong arm me into buying a new phone before I’m good and ready, you piece of shit.
You know, you’d think if you were shutting down one of the country’s largest mass transit systems, one that normally runs 24/7, mind you, you’d put up a fuckton of signs. Or some signs. Or maybe make some announcements? Homeless people don’t listen to NPR, you cunts.
Talking on the phone to Dad:
– Are you still running?
– No, not really. I haven’t done it in a long time.
– Why not?
– I don’t know, I just got tired of it.
– You were doing pretty good there for awhile.
– Yeah, I know, I just get sick of it. So I take a break for a few months then pick it up again.
– But then don’t you have to start all over again when yo–
SHUT UP, DAD, I DON’T NEED YOUR SASS MOUTH
I recently met someone on OKCupid whose message I had answered on a bit of a whim. He lived in a different borough than both the ones I live and work in, which, in New York City, can render something promising DOA. But I found him particularly good-looking in one of his photos. He was indeed cute in person and much to my surprise, witty and smart, albeit a bit of an underachiever with more than a slight slacker vibe. But I thought he was really funny, and I liked his calm demeanor, and I didn’t like the snobbishness creeping into me since I’d moved to New York, so I saw him a second time and didn’t regret it.
Maybe, I thought, just maybe I can love again.
I was texting him this week, and we were talking about how he’d recently decided to take up a period of abstinence from certain substances (cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, pot) as part of a bet because he felt like he was using them too much:
“The lack of caffeine has been giving me pretty terrible headaches and just making me feel sort of dead.”
“I mean, the bet didn’t say anything about meth. That will perk you right up.”
“Meth actually was part of the bet. I just left that out because I didn’t want to come across as a drug addict.”
“Meth, unfairly, gets sort of a bad rep.”