Wow. What an amazing and productive day I had. Hahahahaha, just kidding, my biggest accomplishments were putting on pants and moving from the bed to my couch. I also had a few brief moments of joy and lucidity, though given what precipitated them I’m not sure what my life has become:
- My biteplate: When I was home last week I got a biteplate from my orthodontist to help with my jaw clenching at night. It’s working beautifully, and I woke up this morning with my teeth actually completely apart rather than clenched together like a vise. This may not sound like a big thing, but the clenching gives me killer earaches and was messing with my jaw joint, and I do it more when I’m stressed or upset, so I can only imagine how much I would be doing it now.
- My upcoming trip to Seattle. I’m looking forward to a big change of scenery (the West Coast!) and spending time with two good friends, even though I’m not prepared for this race at all.
- I decided to move to California. This should probably be a bigger deal than it is, but the freedom and sense of possibility the decision gave me was pretty momentary. Also I don’t mean like right now or anything. I’ll talk about this more tomorrow maybe.
- I watched two excellent movies. I finally got around to watching Spirited Away and the Iron Giant. As for the former, I’m really glad I actually picked the dubbed version (I usually got for subtitles on foreign films) because I could concentrate on the gorgeous animation instead of reading. I’m not a fan of anime but this had just the right amount of weirdness – enough to make it magical but not nonsensical.
I had two opportunities to go out today and meet up with friends with food/drinks. I passed them both up. So I get an F for both social interaction and nutrition today. In fact I didn’t leave the house at all so F on that too. I did think about leaving the house twice, and I did text one of my friends back, so I guess maybe D- on those counts. I did eat some cookie dough today, which was a shitty choice, and drank lots of unsweetened iced tea, but like I said, I have basically nothing on hand, and for some reason the idea of ordering from Seamless made me feel guilty. I know I’m in trouble when I don’t think I deserve basic things like food or rest. Of course this was stupid, and it made me sick. I almost passed out today, which I don’t really get, as I did eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese with stuff put in it yesterday, and it’s not like laying on the couch requires that much energy. I also had a brief moment where I got that horrible face pain again, which filled me with dread. I haven’t had it in a long time. I think it’s mostly psychosomatic. Luckily it only lasted about 30 seconds and hasn’t come back since.
Let’s do the rest of the rundown.
Hygiene: Got dressed, though this was partially because I slept in some of my clothes (my shirt). I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth in days.
Crying: Minimal crying today. I’m not always necessarily sure that’s a good thing when it’s replaced by numbness.
Medicines/vitamins: A+ as always.
Sleep: I fell asleep too early last night, then woke up in the middle of the night and stayed up for hours before going back to sleep. I did not nap though.
Medical: I’ve been debating calling one of my existing doctors even though they’re not in the same city or on my insurance. I’ll think about this more tomorrow.
Miscellaneous: I only said “God, you’re pathetic, I hate you” to myself once today.
I’m dreading facing the world and work tomorrow.