I have trouble with pacing when I run, blazing out of the gate, crawling in the middle, then hoofing it to the finish line as gracefully as a crack addict would run to a giant pile of crack. So when I run the Prospect Park loop, which I try to finish in 30 minutes, I hook myself onto someone who’s going at a good pace – not too fast that I’m going to tire out, but not so slow that I won’t finish. Just a good challenging pace. Also, it helps that the person I select is hot and male, and I stare at his ass the whole time.
Well today I couldn’t find anyone like that. But then I saw this woman. This woman. This woman had the most incredible ass I have ever seen. *makes round ass pantomime with hands* Ample and perky in the back, but not too wide across. I couldn’t help but appreciate the perfect dimensions on a strictly intellectual level. I could only imagine that if you hit it *slowly makes slapping motion like a tennis racket hitting a ball motion* it would have that perfect amount of jiggle. Enough to make it fun, but not enough t–where was I going with all of this? Oh right. Beggars can’t be choosers. I think. Or appreciate what you have? Something. *pantomimes ass with hands again and nods*